weekend update

Last week I did really good with the gym. I went four times and getting into the swing of things was not as hard as I thought it would be :). On sat I brought some healthy food so that I can actually change the way I eat. Honestly excercising is not the big issue my main issue is my relationship with food. I have to learn how to use food to nourish my body and not using it as a crutch for being emotional or bored.today I started out with kasi go lean cereal and fat free milk. By around 12:30 I was starving. Its really wierd that usually if I don't eat breakfast I won't be hungry till hours after I wake up.I ended up eating my 70 calorie serving of chedder cheese rice cakes that I was saving to eat with tomatoe soup for lunch. This tells me that I need to pack a snack to eat every couple of hours. I hear that is really good for your metabolisim. Anyway its 3ish now and I just ate my soup so I'm feeling pretty good.

my day so far...

So today I actually woke up before noon by choice (yay) and .went to the gym (double yay) ON a day that I had to work. Im pretty darn proud of myself :). Food wise not so much. - did not eat breakfast before the gym and by the timw I got back I was so hungry that everything in my fridge was tempting me. I ended up having like 5 pieces of candy corn. Like three servings of green beans and. A can of tuna with musturd. Mmmnn does that not sound delish? Jk. I just ate the tuna anbd green beans for fuel and the candy corn out of weakness. For lunch at work I had a can of soup and a lot of crackers. I also have almost finished my gallon of water and its only 7 o clock

lunch

I had some progresso soup for lunch. It was aboÙt 140 cals. I have a headache. Why? Maybe I have not eaten enough today. Ughhhhhhh

Breakfast

I actually ate breakfast today, I am so proud of myself. I had egss scrambled with a dash of water because we ran out of milk. It still came out just the way i like it .Light and fluffy. i also had a mini v8 juice which is 30 calories .

Finagan begin Again

So I have been back to the gym. YAY . first time in months (boo) But i have a car now and so my life is starting to get back on track . I just weighed myself yesterday and it was bad 247.2 . more the 12 pounds heavier then i was this time last year. But i cant dwell on that it is offically febuary and it begins now. I am shooting for no less the 3 gym visits a weekI really hope for 4 -5 but we have to start somewhere. and I am going to eat healthier . I know what I have to do this time and I cant be derailed. I mean I'm 22 now for petes sake i have to break this cycle of gaining and losing now or i will struggle for the rest of my life. The good news is that the whole quiting smoking thing is going really well. I have snuck a few cigs on the wekends when im drunk but since im going to be cutting the whole drinking thing waaay down it should not pose much of a problem anymore :)

no rest for the wicked

I honestly thought that tonight would be the night I would sleep like a normal personals its after three in the morning and even though I'm vaguely tired I am still awake. I hope in a couple of days after I have taken the gym intensity up a few notches I can tire myself out enough to sleep at night with the rest of the world...well a girl can dream :). The worst part about not being able to sleep at night is binge eating. I'm tired but bored so I eat to alleviate the boredom and I crave sugar because I am so tired my body wants false energy. Hopefully this sleeping thing fixes itself even though I have been struggling with insomnia for years. Sigh.

Time to redo all that has been done

So I guess I wont have to say that my weightloss jounry was derailed .I was in a car accident and I just basically used it as an excuse to do whatever i wanted and not go to the gym. whisch nwas such a BAD idea. I just want to stop this cycle of fad diets of losing 30 pounds and gaining back 15 .. of working so hard then giving up . I need to reVluate what i would like myself to be as a person. I let the litlest setback send me into emotional eating hell . I just need to learn that something is missing from my life and it aint food .